Terminator Salvation: Crazy Robots Fight Formerly Crazed Christian Bale, er, I mean John Connor

It's like this: John Connor (Christian Bale) is mad. He is angry that the robots are going to kill his father who is younger than he is. (Stop interrupting me - it's true.) And there are a lot a lot of robots - big robots, kind of like the transformers from that one movie with the kid from Holes.

In fact, one of the robots has motorcycles that run down his legs, like pee running down the leg of a malicious toddler who is determined to not use the bathroom. (Whoa. Don't know where that analogy came from!) These motorcycles don't stink, but they do cause quite a mess, shooting things, chasing people and even making cars crash.

The melancholy John Connor has a wife or a girlfriend in Bryce Dallas Howard, who is preggers. He has about as much affection for her as he does for the radio he holds in his hand to communicate with The Resistance. I was sorry to not see more kissing and hugging and patting of the big belly in anticipation of their kid being born. But you know, when you're saving the world, there's just not enough time and I guess her being preggers is evidence enough that there was some affection at some time in recent months.

So anyway, love and marriage aside, there's another guy, called Marcus, who is incredibly built, and not just from working out, either. I won't tell you everything, but let's just say that Helena Bonham Carter has something to do with it and that's never good. I think I liked Marcus' character the best, because he's a little bad and a little good and then he.... oh. I'll stop there. Don't want to ruin it for you.

I haven't seen the other Terminator movies, so I can't compare and I don't know the whole storyline. All I knew going into this was that Arnold Schwarznegger said that he would be back. McG (who directed We Are Marshall, and two Charlie's Angels movies) directed it, so it was entertaining and definitely held my attention, but it wasn't rocket science, or even science 101, for that matter. (Incidentally, I failed all my science classes in college, so that's actually a plus for me.)

You should see it on the big screen if you are into special effects as they were good and loud and I always get a kick out of fighting flying objects with things like cars and rope (I'm sure you do too, yes?)

Verdict: Sure, why not. It won't change your life, but it will possibly remind you that even though people are losing their jobs all over the place and being evicted from their homes, at least we aren't being killed by giant bad-ass robots trying to take over the world.

Terminator Salvation opens Friday everywhere. Rated PG-13 for some violence.