A less horrible choice and a May Miracle.

In the culinary wasteland of Clackamas, Oregon, I have a job. There are three adult video/toy/dancing shops within walking distance of my office. There's a pizza place, a deli, Taco Bell and Wendy's. Awful, awful stuff. Especially when you think that the gross old men eating lunch at any of the places are the same gross old men that came from the adult video store next door. (I try not to think of this, but it is difficult.)

Anyway, in a fit of despair the other day, I started driving a little down 82nd Ave. I was desperate for something that tasted good. I noticed a different pizza place off to the side of the road, right across the street from Cash and Carry. Some kind of NY Pizza type place. Possibility.

Unfortunately, as I got out of my car, smoke flew in my face from the pizza place - something was definitely burning. My hopes dashed, I walked back to my car and turned slightly to get in. Suddenly I saw something that I swear wasn't there before (even though they say they have been there for eight years.)

A dinky trailer, looking beat up and old. A sign on the front said The People's Grill and underneath it said "We serve the best people in town." It creeped me out at first because it had all these people heads underneath that, in flames. It made me think that maybe they were serving human flesh. But even that is a little much for Clackamas, so I figured they meant that they served meals to humans. And, you order and eat outside! No creepy old men. At least that you can see.

Their menu said that they get their beef locally, so I decided to try the cheeseburger. It was raining, so the lady at the window told me that she'd let me know when it was ready. So I sat in my car and listened to the radio. It took about 10 minutes before I noticed her yelling my name from the window in the trailer.

Anyhow. The cheeseburger was actually really good. It wasn't dry, it was juicy and beefy and the pickles were so numerous that every bite of burger had a pickle in it. The sauciness was just right with the mayo, mustard and ketchup. I was shocked. It was delicious! Something good to eat! It's a miracle. A May Miracle!

A couple of days later, I tried the meatball grinder. I was sort of feeling a little nostalgic for my East coast days, when as a kid in New Hampshire, we would go down to this great pizza place and order meatball grinders. Oh I loved them so much. This was maybe not up to the quality of my memories, but it was pretty good, none the less.

The bread was sturdy and toasted and the meatballs - they were juicy, flavorful, even on their own. The marinara sauce was a little tangy and seasoned well. The whole thing was covered in provolone cheese, grilled onions and olives.

Clearly I can't eat at this place every day, but just the fact that I can eat lunch at a good place every once in a while improves my hopeful outlook by so much. I can't even tell you.

Funny thing, though. On their menu, it has a note: "Please note that we are not professionals. If you experience a problem with your order, let us know." Really? You are telling your customers that you are not professionals? That is strange. Professional doesn't necessarily refer to a degree, but to a level of service and product.

Oh, and they opened a new sports bar on NE 79th and Glisan - called The People's Grill and Sports Bar.

I would tell you where the Clackamas location is, but I can't find the address or a website or a phone number anywhere. Which scares me a little - because if you've been around for 8 years, why isn't anyone talking about you? Anywhere on the internet? Weird.

But anyway, so what I'm going to do is give you the address of the Cash and Carry across the street. So, if you decide to go there, go to the Cash and Carry and look across the street. And there you are!

15700 SE 82nd Dr
Clackamas, OR 97015

***Found their address! 9123 SE St. Helens, on the East end of the Clackamas Professional Plaza. Phone number: 503-655-6695.