Mummy Dearest ***SPOILER ALERT***

Few movies have reached the hysterical heights of Free Willy and Pearl Harbor. Thankfully, tonight I can add one more movie to my list of entertaining laugh-fests- The Mummy Returns On Another Continent, With a Replacement Wife and a Grown-Up Son.

It starts out with "Once upon a time, there was a Chinese Emperor..." Yada yada, you get the picture. Then, suddenly, we see a brunette Maria Bello (not a good look for you, Maria) speaking with what could be the worst British accent on film (not a good sound for you, Maria). She's reading from her new novel, The Mummy Returns. Then it's Q and A time from the audience. "Mrs. O'Connell, how have these adventures changed you?" (Or something like that). She says with a smirk, "I think I can honestly say, I'm a whole different person." Da bum bum. Good move Rachel Weisz, good move.

Then there's the grown up son, who's quite a ladies' man, oh and he also dug up the Chinese mummy. He happens to run into his parents who are on a secret mission and 1-star dialogue ensues:

"Alex. O'Connell. You. Get. On. The. Back. Of. This. Horse. This. Minute."

"Dad, I'm sorry I blamed you and mom for bringing back the Emperor."

"She speaks Yeti?"

Various size and stamina jokes relating to guns, that I can't quite get my brain to remember.

And then a great plot twist, wherein Father and son find out that the only way to kill the mummy is to strike him in the heart with a certain knife. Then they plan to hit him and blow him up and hit him again to stop him. Even though they know that they only way to kill him is with the knife.

Then I start getting bored. Yada, yada, yada, terra cotta army comes to life, yada yada, yada, the Emperor turns into a three headed dragon, yada, yada, yada, the other dead army comes to life, blah blah, they stab the mummy with the knife and he dies. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Say what you want about trashy Summer movies - I laughed harder tonight watching this than I have watching an actual comedy.... ummm.... in a very long time. Thank you, Hollywood, for bad acting, bad hair and bad accents. And most of all, thank you for the Mummy, who can simultaneously roar and rip pieces of his face off to throw at the humans who are trying to bring him down. You've made my night.